There is some pain nothing heals

That I haven't been on in forever. Other things have taken over my time here. Plus, some medical issues have popped up. I will be coming back (I hope).

Fall Out Boy Singer Falls Into Jail

Posted Aug 26th 2009 4:15AM by TMZ Staff

The lead singer of the group Fall Out Boy was arrested tonight in Hollywood.

TMZ has confirmed cops busted Patrick Stump around midnight on a traffic warrant for driving without a license out of Beverly Hills court.

Nothing screams rock 'n' roll like being wanted in Bev Hills.

Stump is currently being held at the West Hollywood Sheriff's station on $15,000 bail.

UPDATE: Stump was released on bail around 4:30am.

Still taking a break, but thought I would give another update. Went to the Rheumatologist. Not really helpful, but did get a diagnosis. After a life history and exam she told me I have Fibromyalgia. Too bad my other doctor wouldn't of listened to me in the first place. I told her that and she basically made me feel like I was losing my mind and that the pain isn't real. The Rheumy gave me a muscle relaxer and sent me on my way. No follow up. The muscle relaxer is not helping unless I want to be tired all the time and feel like I'm living in a haze. I stopped taking it and seeing my doctor tomorrow for my Bipolar meds and going to talk to her about it. I hate this pain, but I am living through it. Thankfully, I did find a message board that is really helpful. I'm not the only one dealing with fuck up doctors. Most doctors don't believe in Fibro. Ths Wednesday I'm finally going in for the sleep study. Maybe that will help some. Just add on more crap with my medical issues. Hopefully, I'll be back soon.

On a brighter note....True Blood was AMAZING tonight!!!

I know I haven't been on here for awhile. I come and leave for a few days. I have made promises to people and have broken them. I'm dealing with a health issue right now and I don't know where it's going. Nothing fatal but it will be with me for the rest of my life. I see a specialist next Wednesday. With that going on yesterday before 7am the phone rang and it was my grandma. She went to the hospital. Thank god, it was nothing serious and she was able to leave but it scared all of us. I just need a break for awhile and think some things through. I may come back and post a photo or two. I hope the people that do care will still be with me when I come back.

I just want to thank you all who comment and leave notes...thank you. I may not say it enough, but it means the world to me. Thank you again.

Kiss And Control:

City Lights, Like Rain

Running Away

It's the only option for me

Do you care?

Did you ever love me?

My soul still reaches out

Yet, I hold back

Looking out

I see the lights

I look ahead and know I will be fine

____________________________________________________________________

Show Me What I'm Looking For:

Save Me I'm Lost

Walking in the darkness

Alone and scared

Eyes are wide open

Pain continues to get worse

Where am I going?

Tell me

Walking away from you the final time

and into the light

_____________________________________________________________________

If It Means A Lot To You:

I Need You Here Tonight

Only one night

That's all I wanted

Why did you leave?

Time stands still

My heart breaks--only for a moment

Inside is my future without you

And I'll be fine

Again I used a lyric

Far Away

Miles away you are gone

Please come to me

My heart is open to you

It always has been

My spirit laid out to you

Scared and hopeful

I know you'll be there tomorrow

I picked a line from "Spit The Dark". One of my favorite songs off that CD.

Love Is Best An Allusion

Crawling from the darkness

I open my tired eyes

You are by my side

Right where you belong

I touch your hand

Warm to the touch

Yet cold

I look into your eyes

Nothing is there

'I love you' gets left behind

Vanishing--you leave me once again

Will I ever do a happy peom??

Tainted Beauty

Eyes that look like mine

focus into the mirror

Not ong ago you said

I was beautiful

Your beloved, is the words you used

But now

Does my beauty matter to you?

Am I beautiful in your eyes?

Can't come clean

Raising my hand to break the

Scarred image

Just an update for those who read this stuff. This week started out horrible. Pains in my stomach that I have never had before. I finally got into the doctor on Thursday. I had some bloodwork done and it came back normal. The pain now is mostly just an ache. Nothing too bad. But now the headaches are back so probably be going back to the chiropractor on Monday. I'm just really tired of being in pain.

I'm hoping to post again soon. I haven't really done anything this week. Sorry for those who view my photos and journals. On a happy note...I don't have to buy pull ups anymore. Michelle has been totally potty trained for 3 weeks. During the day and at night. Woo-hoo! Also, the fish are still alive. lol

*edited...You know I was finally feeling pretty damn good today and then something happened and I'm mad, upset, pissed, etc. Why do people say shit behind your back? I'm so fucking tired of this shit. Anyway, just needed to get it out.*

Only a few of you knew that on Thursday I went away for a 5 days. I guess I'll start from the beginning. In January I met a guy on the net. It was after I finally said no more. I was done with the internet and finding "love". We chatted and talked on the phone. Actually, more on the phone. He lives about 4 hours away and we decided to meet. I was actually very surprised that I wasn't nervous. He has some issues, but hell so do I. I had a really amazing time. I can't wait until we meet again. We don't know when we'll be able to get together again. :( I really miss him. It was only 5 days, but damn I feel like I left a piece of myself there.

I don't know if things will continue to go well. We are still learning about each other. I want to move out of this damn town and he mentioned about moving there. It won't be for a year at least. He lives where my uncle and aunt use to live. In high school I wanted to move there. I'm just scared something will happen. It seems to always be the case. I just want to be happy and not worry about what will happen.

That has nothing to do with buzz, but a friend over on DH message boards made me one and I LOVE it. Plus, I haven't had an update in awhile. So much so that I noticed Buzz changed the journal format. Guess, I should come on here more often. Never thought I would say that. Sometimes I had a hard time leaving buzz. Now I have a hard time to come on.

Things are going alright. Not the best, but not terrible. Potty training is going good. Just have to work on the nighttime training. Michelle got her retainer and is doing good. I'm not looking forward to the dentist visit every month. This Saturday is has a little program at the high school. Her class is going to sing. I can't believe her first year of school is almost over. This summer she is having swimming lessons and a week of day camp.

I had a birthday...just another day. I'm done with birthdays I think.

I've been dealing with headaches for over a month. Nothing really new there. I finally went to the chiropractor. Today is the first day I only had to take Ibuprofen once. I go back to the chiropractor on Friday, so hopefully they will continue to get better. There is nothing like the pain of a headache. Well, to me I guess. I've been dealing with these for so long.

I might be going to St. Cloud next week if everything goes well. This morning I was asked to visit (I don't like to be a pessimist, but well, my luck isn't the best). I just hope I come back somewhat happy.

Here's that amazing banner. I know Crash13 knows who Jaden is. He's not real (well, Christian Bale is)...only in the DH's fangirls minds. :D

Made by Destiny

So, I am in Pearl Jam mode right now. But they are one band I listen to most ot the time anyway. Here is one of my favorite songs. It's such an amazing song. I haven't listened to 'Ten' in a few months, but this morning I put it on and as usual was blown away by Eddie's voice and the lyrics. "Black" is one song that I get tears everytime I listen to it.

Black

By Pearl Jam

Hey...oooh...
Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn
Ooh, and all I taught her was everything
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything?
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

I take a walk outside
Im surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
Im spinning, oh, Im spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything (note the lack of question mark)
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all Ill ever be...yeah...

Uh huh...uh huh...ooh...
I know someday youll have a beautiful life, I know youll be a star
In somebody elses sky, but why
Why, why cant it be, why cant it be mine

I especially cry at the end 'I know you'll be a star'. I always think of Andrew Wood. I know probably none of you know who he is. He was the lead singer of a band that 2 members were in with him. He died of a Heroin Overdose in 1990. Here is a picture of the lovely man. Look up the band "MOTHER LOVE BONE". Amazing band. As much as I loved Kurt Cobain. I was in shock when Andrew died.

And I was looking at some pictures of Pearl Jam and came to a scary conclusion. lol I had the biggest crush on Jeff. Here he is.

And now my current crush (well, maybe more than a crush lol)

In the early years of PJ, Jeff always wore a hat. I know random...but I thought it was a little odd and it might be my allergy and migraine meds working. :)

Back on the PJ song that I love if none of you have heard of it here are a couple versions. One is the original PJ version and a cover by Staind. The PJ will always be number 1 in my book, but the Staind version is pretty damn good.

~Awake~

Awake again

Why are my eyes open

Darkness falls around me

The only thing to keep me sane

Mind doesn't stop

Keeps going and going

Thoughts run through and never stop

So tired

Yet awake at dawn

Darkness in my mind

Scared of the thoughts

Will I last another day?

I really don't know

Then the sun shines through

You're there

You've always been there watching me

My guardian...my angel

Stay with me forever

~Hurt~

My window has frost and the tears are frozen to my face

Heart shaped and broken

Can I hate you?

I want to...really want to

When I see you my heart drops

The tears come and come

Someone please stop them

I want you to hurt as much as I hurt

I'm so tired of this feeling

Why won't it stop?

WHY?

That is all that comes to my mind....why?

Michelle had her appointment with the ENT and she is going to have tubes in next Wednesday. They are going to be a little different than the last ones. I think the ones are called Myringotomy Tubes. They tend to stay in a little longer. I'll just be glad when the ear infections go away and I don't need to see her in pain. Never realized how painful it is to watch your child when they are in pain.

And now for a little vent. I have hardly gotten any friend request lately. Which is fine. I know who my true friends are and really not here for the numbers. So the other day I posted two pictures of Brendon. I came on in the morning and had 5 new friend request and then today I have 3 more. I've only looked at a few and no notes to me. Yeah, my profile is set to private for personal reasons...but when you send it you could still add something. Am I wrong not to add these people if they can't say anything to me? I figure the reason they are adding me if for the band pics anyway. I even get used on the net...just can't win. :) That's the end of that.

I hope everyone is having a good Wednesday.

I'm here. For those who want to read my update here it is.... It's just been a rough month. Michelle has gotten ear infection after ear infection. The last one was a double one. She finally is off the medicine. It's been two days so hopefully they won't come back. She is seeing the ENT on Wednesday. It was for her summer problems so thank god we have that appointment. After her last ear infection I got sick. I'm feeling a little better.

Last week I had to deal with the ex and that is oh so much fun. First was Thursday. He forgot about Michelle's family night with school. Of course it's no big thing with him. Then I decided to take Michelle to McDonald's on Friday morning. He came and sat by us. Michelle finished eating and went to play so I thought he would leave. Nope...he stayed by me and talked. What about you ask?? Women he's been taking out. Not that I want him...but come on. I swear he has no brain. What I seen in him I have no idea.

But there are good things going on. I've been talking to a guy I met online (if you seen the assholes in this town you would understand why I find guys on here LOL) for almost two months. Not really sure where it's going, but not rushing things.

Just realized that I've been on buzz for two years. I kinda wish I could go back to when I first came on. I have had friends leave, friends who turned out to not be friends, and some of the greatest friends. I probably won't do anything special. Sometimes I just miss what use to be on here.

So that's my update. For those who read my fan fics...I do plan to get back to writing.

I can't even remember the last time I posted something or even been on here. It's sad to say that I've checked my myspace more than here. Thank you Kendra, Vero, and Sarah for the notes here and on myspace. It means a lot to me. On to the update....

Nothing really new in my life. Michelle has been sick. It started with an ear infection about 3 weeks ago. I actually took her in because she was coughing and the when the doctor checked her ears they found it one was infected. No big problem. Gave her some medicine and she was better. Until she went to her dad's. He decided to go to a pool party with some friends from work. When she came home on Sunday we ended up at the ER. The jerk of a doctor said it was just swimmer's ear and gave her some ear drops. On Wednesday she was still complaining it was hurting. I took her to her regular doctor and her eardrum ruptured. She was put on some medicine along with the ear drops. She goes back on Monday to see if there is a hole in her ear. She did have tubes put in when we was about 10 months old, but they are now both out. She might have to have them back in. She see's that doctor at the end of the month.

I guess I do have some news, but not really wanting to let to many people know about it. Maybe I will share in a few weeks or so.

I hope to come back soon. I have some catching up to do. Hope you all are doing good.

Reaching

Open and close

Heartbeat and heartbreak

To be loved and to be alone

Just a few days

opening myself

A secret remains

Can it be shared?

Both have been hurt

Time to heal

Reaching out to each other

Where this will end

I don't know--you don't know

But you've shown me the goodness again

For Xmas I FINALLY got Nightmare Before Christmas. Well, Michelle has taken it. :) Which is fine. I like to share. But in the last 4 days I think we have watched it 17 times. It's too cold to go outside and one day I was sick and I think today she is getting sick. So, we'll be indoors. Then I made the mistake of playing FOB's version "What's This?" on my Ipod in the car. We had to listen to it non-stop. I think I have created a Jack Monster. LOL Which she doesn't call Nightmare Before Christmas...it's Skeleton. :)

And I'm getting Tim Tam's....not the US version that is coming out. The real thing from Australia. On a Awesome message board and amazing friend is going to send me some. Yay!! Of course there goes my diet. LOL

P.S. You all may just have to get use to my shitty pictures and even shittier poems....long story....which means no more FOB.

maybe you should go out and fight for a real cause. I'm sorry but even if the article is 100% true FOB are human and act like assholes some times or maybe most of the time. I read on lj about a petition against the article...are you serious? Gotta love the internet. It's just an article...read it or don't. And finally from some sense of the band.... (sorry Andy and Pete..you don't have the sense right now)

January 07, 2009 – Blender

Hey, so I want to say that this whole thing is stupid. Blender wrote a good article and doesn't deserve the flack that it's supposedly getting from the band about it (for those unaware of what I'm talking about, go over to MTV.com and check the story out). To set the record straight (and from the horse's mouth) I like Blender. I read Blender. I like the people at Blender. Josh (the writer of the article in question) is a funny, nice, and all around sharp guy. Joe (the editor) is a a friend of the band's and I in no way wish to have insulted him. The cover story dealt with the fact that we are a polarizing band whom people either love or absolutely hate (yes, we're very well aware of this) and the nature of writing a piece like that is that you're going to have to include some stuff a band doesn't want to hear. The only reason I thought it prudent to say anything was because it never fully resolved the issue of the band's "Secret breakup," instead leaving it an open issue to confuse our audience. I've heard a lot of kids asking if the band broke up and if it is indeed still together because of the ambiguous nature of the piece and thus I decided to correct that. That's all. That's why I refer to the article as "Plotless," in an interview with MTV.com because Blender established the conflict without showing the resolution that had already happened. My "Quitting the band," happened a couple years ago on our first trip to Australia and happened out of miscommunication. The end of the story is that Pete and I sat down and had one of those, "I thought you said this..." "Well I thought you said that..." " Well we were both misled weren't we? Let's hug and move on," kind of moments. Very sitcom. Furthermore, ask any guy in any band, they've all quit at some time (I'm sure there are exceptions, but not many).

As for solo stuff, if I ever do a solo project it'll just be me playing drums for someone else's. That's the only thing my band doesn't really have space for is Patrick Stump playing drums. It was my first love and I miss it a little. Other than that, no solo project to speak of. I love my band.

Blender is right, it was essentially a positive piece, and perhaps we are over-sensitive. They said they stand by their reporting and I think they have every reason to, it's one of the best music magazines this country has to offer and as much as I don't like hearing Pete Wentz jabs, I also don't like hearing stuff about how bad good music journalism is. Music is a community and should operate as such.

I'd like to thank Blender for taking the chance and putting us on the cover when we are neither a currently Top 10 band, nor are we a unanimously critically acclaimed one. We're neither the Jonas Brothers nor TV on the Radio and it must be very hard to market a Fall Out Boy cover these days.

Happy New Year, and I think I'm going to retreat into my luddite tendencies and not update this site for a while. Be safe-
p.v.stump